Saturday, February 1, 2020

I never said I was perfect

Story time:
Last Sunday I woke up with a route plan for my 3 hour endurance ride. Both my ride buddies had to bail (sick and working) so I decided to take the cross bike out, through Santiago Oaks around to Corona, and then up and over Skyline to Blackstar. I didn't map the route, just guessed it would be about 30-40 miles and 3 hours. By the time I got to the bottom of Skyline I knew I had underestimated the time the route would take, so I pushed it a little to the top and texted Brendan really quickly at the summit before descending Blackstar to let him know my ETA. I was stressed about the timing because the baby eats about every 3 hours and I'm also always stressed that Brendan will get pissed if I say I'll be gone for 3 and then don't come back for 4 (something I used to do ALL THE TIME pre-baby, but have been trying really hard to NOT do when he is babysitting). Despite feeling rushed though, I was taking it pretty easy because my fear of crashing is pretty intense right now (too many friends breaking themselves). At the bottom there were a thousand and one hikers so I really had to slow down. Watching the time was stressing me out though, as the 4 hour mark got closer and closer, and I started to get frusty with the groups of hikers stopped in the middle of the fire road, or walking all spread out with their dogs all over off leash. In my frustration I made a snide comment to a group that was taking up the whole road 'what, do you drive all the way across both sides of the freeway too?' and quickly realized they knew who I was when they yelled my name. oops. Long story short, they did NOT appreciate the sarcastic comment because I got an angry text with some very bad words and a mean comment on my most recent insta post (I deleted it) an hour later.

A picture of the top of Blackstar last weekend, it was a pretty epic day :)
So, yeah, I f-ed up. Instead of being the perpetually happy ambassador of all things bikes and outdoors I was maybe the opposite of that. But let's be real, I'm not perfect. And having a baby has introduced a whole new stress in my life that is all consuming sometimes. Trying to do all the things AND be the happiest, smily-est, friendliest girl is, well, not easy.

The whole incident really got me thinking over the past week. I figure the other party over-reacted a bit, but I'm thinking I'm going to use this little snafu to recommit to chilling out, to realizing when I'm stressed and to take a deep breath. The baby didn't starve, and I got home in one piece, Brendan wasn't pissed and life went on. Deep breath, everything is going to be ok.

To anyone I have brushed off, ridden past in a hurry, yelled on your left at in a less than friendly way, I'm sorry. Please forgive me, I hope next time I see you I smile and wave and you have the best ride, hike, walk, jog, whatever you like to do outdoors ever!
The end.