So I’ve been working on writing a birth story, as a few people have mentioned that they can’t wait to read how the two time winner of the Leadville 100 mtb race needed an epidural because labor was too much (don’t worry, I am laughing at this, not beating myself or anyone else up for needing pain meds) but as expected, that’s kinda a hard story to tell. Is it too long? Am I including too many gross details?! You know, the editing is real on this one.
BUT I figured since I have about 3.5 minutes of free time right now as the sweet sleep terrorist in our lives naps, I would jot down some thoughts about the last 3 weeks of life with a new baby.
First of all, holy wow is having offspring crazy! Just looking at that little face and thinking about how I basically did NOTHING consciously and this little person grew inside me is mind blowing. And then add the layer that she is a mix of both Brendan and my genetics is beyond fascinating. Will she end up spazy and overactive like her mom?! Or calm and calculated like her dad?? And the way I feel about her is the craziest, like no matter how many times she screams bloody murder in the night for hours I still really freaking love this little bundle of flesh that treats me like a walking cafeteria. She doesn’t even flipping smile yet (is she even mine?!) and I still feel so ridiculously connected and close to her.
The first two full weeks felt pretty easy, and I walked around all day thinking I had gotten lucky/like a slacker for getting all this time off work to just hang out. BUT week three was a doozy. SOMEONE has started voicing her opinion in a very loud manner, and has decided that night time is for crying and day time is for sleep. Not sure why it took two weeks for the screaming to start, but man do I miss that first blissful, quiet week when all I had to do was hold her to calm her down. Now we are knee deep in books about sleep, trying everything under the sun to get her to not cry from 1-4am, and figuring out the co-sleeping, attachment parenting stuff we should have prob read about BEFORE the baby was born (but we were busy reading 100 books about labor back then, so you know). Like I said earlier though, somehow no matter how little sleep I’ve gotten, I still just love the snot out of that little bebe.
|We have made SOME progress :)|
And all this lack of sleep is really taking its toll on the kitchen remodel progress. Also the fact that I start a project and like clockwork she wakes from a nap and suddenly I have a tray full of paint, haven’t even started painting but have to clean up really quickly because sweet cheeks has decided it’s meal time. The good news is that we have a working oven, dishwasher, sink, stove and microwave! And best of all a new fridge!!! Our old fridge decided to conveniently die one week after we welcomed the third member of our family into our lives, which was quite stressful, especially considering it was 105 degrees every day that week. Thankfully I have the worlds best co-workers who planned a meal train and brought us quite a few delicious dinners that week. I am dying inside with gratitude/not really understanding how to express my thanks in a way that appropriately conveys how meaningful all those incredible meals were to us.
|The most delicious lasagna I have ever eaten thanks to my co-worker and friend Leigha. Seriously, just look at that lasagna, it's so freaking beautiful!|
Social Media: I feel strange about this still. Yes I did post a picture of sweet baby A in the hospital with me, but beyond that I haven’t really put any pictures of her face online. I feel torn that she hasn’t given me consent to blast photos of her all over the internet for the world to see, I don’t know how she will feel about it in the future. I mean maybe she will wonder one day if I actually loved her because there aren’t hundreds of adorable Addy pictures on my Facebook page or blog. But if she isn’t pleased I can’t really undo having posted pictures… so yeah, if you want to see her email me or come visit us 😊
|We are also trying to figure out this baby wearing thing,|
you know, to make walking easier.
About my desire to exercise vs be productive vs be with baby…finding balance lately has been especially hard. I still have an intense inner drive to get things done but then I’m incredibly torn between just staring at my baby’s face for hours knowing she will grow up so fast and I can’t get this time back. BUT the construction mess makes me feel unsettled and I’m stressed about having company in our unfinished house with power tools strewn about and piles of random screws and things covering the dining room table… BUT this time is supposed to be for bonding with Sweet Cheeks and resting… it’s quite the struggle. And I WANT to exercise every day, last week I was sneaking out of the house at 7am to jog with the dog each morning (all of 1-2 miles at a time) however I learned this week that sacrificing sleep in the morning when the baby reliably naps is not a great idea. Cue mini mental breakdown and epic fight with Brendan (more on that later because I think how our relationship is evolving is fascinating) most likely caused by my impaired cognitive function from the lack of sleep. Yeah, we are on a steep learning curve over here. So exercise is taking a back seat to construction and baby watching, and I’m pretty ok with it. Soon I can put the bebe into a stroller and jog WHILE looking at her face… soon 😊
|We did sneak out for a nice walk in the park yesterday. I have a feeling this stroller is going to be an off road vehicle very soon!|
And that leads me to the last thing, some stuff I’ve learned since the birth, stuff they don’t cover in those books and internet articles (at least the ones I’ve read). I’ve learned a lot about myself as a new mother, for instance, I honestly don’t mind being covered in breastmilk and spit up all the time. It’s a losing battle to keep changing my clothes, so after a certain point the spit up started drying on my shirt and the leaked breastmilk did the same, and you know what, it doesn’t really bother you when you are sleep deprived and in love with the little nugget who is constantly vomiting on you. We learned the hard way that we DO NOT in fact have an easy baby like we thought during weeks 1&2 because… week 3. The first two weeks are the golden honeymoon weeks, when all you have to do is pick up a crying baby and hold them close and the crying stops, because all they really want is to be back in the womb but your arms are a close second. But in week 3 it seems our sleep terrorist discovered that she wants/needs more than just cuddling, and suddenly I am on the struggle bus big time to get the screaming to stop from 1-4am. We’ve learned a lot more I promise, but this has taken a whole week to write because I only get 5 minutes here and there and I’m a slow writer, and I really need to go knock out some construction while bebe sleeps right now. BUT I do have so much more to say, so HOPEFULLY there will be more blogs soon. I want to record all the weird, gross, wonderful things we experience as new parents mostly so this kiddo can come back and read this stuff when she’s older (and hopefully not be weirded out by her strange mom). Wish us luck! 😊