Saturday, September 28, 2019

Baby Update #2 ONE MONTH OLD!!!

HOW on earth is this little baby a month old already?!?! I want to reverse time EVERY DAMN DAY to go back 4 weeks and start over from the golden skin to skin hour, so we can relive every moment we have spent with her so far. I know there is a lot to look forward to, but the first 4 weeks have been so incredible and sweet that I just want to stay in the newborn phase for a while longer.

These are not the thigh rolls of a newborn...
or are they? haha
While sweet cheeks is 4 weeks old, she doesn't look like a newborn to me anymore. And to be honest I don't even really know the definition of newborn, is it the first 2 weeks? first 6 weeks? When is she no longer a newborn? Guess we have something else to google search. Speaking of, I cannot imagine having a baby without Google. I know it's a little risky turning to the internet to answer questions, BUT it's so easy to just ask my phone what newborn diarrhea looks like when I get worried and to just look at 100 pictures of 'normal' newborn poop which reassures me that no, my baby does not have diarrhea. What did my mother do when she was worried about the development of her babies, the color of their poop, how to wash reusable diapers...?

We continue to learn a lot on a daily basis, including the following:

Having a baby has the effect of dredging out the depths of your patience well to an almost infinite depth. No matter how many hours I spend awake at night I am never frustrated, pissed, angry, it's just a thing you do and somehow no matter how tired I am I still feel tenderness and love towards the sleep terrorist at all hours of the night! It's blowing my mind that I am capable of walking laps to keep her from screaming for HOURS every night like it's just a normal thing we do now haha.

Being a mom means you CANNOT sleep through even the tiniest little baby noises. It's so weird because I was a crazy deep sleeper, and now she grunts and I'm wide awake. This is especially fun from 4-6am when she lays in our bed grunting every 2 minutes (I think she is pushing out poops) which is JUST frequent enough so that I start to fall asleep and then, grunt, I'm wide awake again. A friend asked 'why don't you just go sleep in another room?' and yes, that is the obvious answer, but for now I can't pry myself away from the sweet little nugget dozing in our bed, so I endure the 2 extra hours of missed sleep to not miss a minute of her in this stage.

Having a baby is crazy bad for the environment, or maybe it's just us, but if you use disposable diapers, that baby is going to poop the second you put a freshie under her (another thing we've learned, babies love peeing and pooping as soon as cold air hits their tush), so many diaper changes end up wasting 2 or 3 diapers. We did not invest in newborn reusable diapers since she will grow out of them so fast, but the 5 we have are not enough to last a whole day, so we use 50% disposable and the guilt about my contributing to the landfill, it's crushing my soul. Soon we will be in all cloth diapers though, so then it will be running the washer every day that causes my guilt. I also admit that I have turned the vacuum on and left the room a few time because that's the only way to get her to sleep alone so I can get stuff done in the morning... so yes, we use more electricity now too.

pumping in the van like everyone does this, right??
#vanlife mom status
Breastfeeding in public is much less awkward for me than it probably should be, haha. The first time we went out to eat with Baby A and Brendan's parents and she cried out of hunger I just whipped out the boob and bam, she was snacking away. I talk to people who seem afraid or ashamed to breastfeed in public and then I think, hmmm, maybe I should dial back the public nudity a bit and try to be just a little discrete haha. But really this little bean has been pretty easy. We go out to the dog park, and Home Depot and if she cries I feed her, if she has a dirty diaper I change it whenever and where-ever and it's been pretty low stress so far. I even pumped breast milk in the van the other day while driving to the tile store on a hot date with Brendo while Taryn Watched the bean.

Speaking of Taryn, that's another thing I've learned big time. We have the best friends and family in the world. Taryn came to CA this week and held the baby for me, cooked us so many incredible meals, and helped with the laundry, painting, diaper changes etc and it was HEAVEN! If you know someone with a newborn go hang out with them and just insist on holding the kid, it was heaven! I love this baby, but to be able to get stuff done for more than 10 minutes at a time was incredible. I did have to let go of some pride/guilt though because it's surprisingly humbling to have someone in your house just volunteering to fold your laundry, cook you food, wash your dishes, esp if you are sitting on the couch or napping. BUT so freaking heavenly too. I now know that going over to a new mom's house and insisting on holding the baby is a much better gift than any adorable newborn outfit.

And I think I mentioned this in the last post but I've learned in a big way that just sitting with the baby, laying in bed for an extra 20 minutes with her, watching her sleep, is just as valuable and productive as painting the walls, installing tile etc. I'm still struggling with the remodel and wanting to do physical work all the time, but I'm letting go of the feeling of accomplishment from those concrete tasks and enjoying being still a little more. I can't complain about her growing up too fast if I don't spend a few hours a day watching her sleep :)

On that note Brendan and baby just woke up so I'm off to stare at an adorable face for a while. Happy weekend everyone!

Thursday, September 19, 2019

Life Lately: Baby Update #1

So I’ve been working on writing a birth story, as a few people have mentioned that they can’t wait to read how the two time winner of the Leadville 100 mtb race needed an epidural because labor was too much (don’t worry, I am laughing at this, not beating myself or anyone else up for needing pain meds) but as expected, that’s kinda a hard story to tell. Is it too long? Am I including too many gross details?! You know, the editing is real on this one.

BUT I figured since I have about 3.5 minutes of free time right now as the sweet sleep terrorist in our lives naps, I would jot down some thoughts about the last 3 weeks of life with a new baby.
First of all, holy wow is having offspring crazy! Just looking at that little face and thinking about how I basically did NOTHING consciously and this little person grew inside me is mind blowing. And then add the layer that she is a mix of both Brendan and my genetics is beyond fascinating. Will she end up spazy and overactive like her mom?! Or calm and calculated like her dad?? And the way I feel about her is the craziest, like no matter how many times she screams bloody murder in the night for hours I still really freaking love this little bundle of flesh that treats me like a walking cafeteria. She doesn’t even flipping smile yet (is she even mine?!) and I still feel so ridiculously connected and close to her.

The first two full weeks felt pretty easy, and I walked around all day thinking I had gotten lucky/like a slacker for getting all this time off work to just hang out. BUT week three was a doozy. SOMEONE has started voicing her opinion in a very loud manner, and has decided that night time is for crying and day time is for sleep. Not sure why it took two weeks for the screaming to start, but man do I miss that first blissful, quiet week when all I had to do was hold her to calm her down. Now we are knee deep in books about sleep, trying everything under the sun to get her to not cry from 1-4am, and figuring out the co-sleeping, attachment parenting stuff we should have prob read about BEFORE the baby was born (but we were busy reading 100 books about labor back then, so you know). Like I said earlier though, somehow no matter how little sleep I’ve gotten, I still just love the snot out of that little bebe.

We have made SOME progress :)
And all this lack of sleep is really taking its toll on the kitchen remodel progress. Also the fact that I start a project and like clockwork she wakes from a nap and suddenly I have a tray full of paint, haven’t even started painting but have to clean up really quickly because sweet cheeks has decided it’s meal time. The good news is that we have a working oven, dishwasher, sink, stove and microwave! And best of all a new fridge!!! Our old fridge decided to conveniently die one week after we welcomed the third member of our family into our lives, which was quite stressful, especially considering it was 105 degrees every day that week. Thankfully I have the worlds best co-workers who planned a meal train and brought us quite a few delicious dinners that week. I am dying inside with gratitude/not really understanding how to express my thanks in a way that appropriately conveys how meaningful all those incredible meals were to us.

The most delicious lasagna I have ever eaten thanks to my co-worker and friend Leigha. Seriously, just look at that lasagna, it's so freaking beautiful!
Social Media: I feel strange about this still. Yes I did post a picture of sweet baby A in the hospital with me, but beyond that I haven’t really put any pictures of her face online. I feel torn that she hasn’t given me consent to blast photos of her all over the internet for the world to see, I don’t know how she will feel about it in the future. I mean maybe she will wonder one day if I actually loved her because there aren’t hundreds of adorable Addy pictures on my Facebook page or blog. But if she isn’t pleased I can’t really undo having posted pictures… so yeah, if you want to see her email me or come visit us 😊

We are also trying to figure out this baby wearing thing,
you know, to make walking easier. 
About my desire to exercise vs be productive vs be with baby…finding balance lately has been especially hard. I still have an intense inner drive to get things done but then I’m incredibly torn between just staring at my baby’s face for hours knowing she will grow up so fast and I can’t get this time back. BUT the construction mess makes me feel unsettled and I’m stressed about having company in our unfinished house with power tools strewn about and piles of random screws and things covering the dining room table… BUT this time is supposed to be for bonding with Sweet Cheeks and resting… it’s quite the struggle. And I WANT to exercise every day, last week I was sneaking out of the house at 7am to jog with the dog each morning (all of 1-2 miles at a time) however I learned this week that sacrificing sleep in the morning when the baby reliably naps is not a great idea. Cue mini mental breakdown and epic fight with Brendan (more on that later because I think how our relationship is evolving is fascinating) most likely caused by my impaired cognitive function from the lack of sleep. Yeah, we are on a steep learning curve over here. So exercise is taking a back seat to construction and baby watching, and I’m pretty ok with it. Soon I can put the bebe into a stroller and jog WHILE looking at her face… soon 😊
We did sneak out for a nice walk in the park yesterday. I have a feeling this stroller is going to be an off road vehicle very soon!

And that leads me to the last thing, some stuff I’ve learned since the birth, stuff they don’t cover in those books and internet articles (at least the ones I’ve read). I’ve learned a lot about myself as a new mother, for instance, I honestly don’t mind being covered in breastmilk and spit up all the time. It’s a losing battle to keep changing my clothes, so after a certain point the spit up started drying on my shirt and the leaked breastmilk did the same, and you know what, it doesn’t really bother you when you are sleep deprived and in love with the little nugget who is constantly vomiting on you. We learned the hard way that we DO NOT in fact have an easy baby like we thought during weeks 1&2 because… week 3. The first two weeks are the golden honeymoon weeks, when all you have to do is pick up a crying baby and hold them close and the crying stops, because all they really want is to be back in the womb but your arms are a close second. But in week 3 it seems our sleep terrorist discovered that she wants/needs more than just cuddling, and suddenly I am on the struggle bus big time to get the screaming to stop from 1-4am. We’ve learned a lot more I promise, but this has taken a whole week to write because I only get 5 minutes here and there and I’m a slow writer, and I really need to go knock out some construction while bebe sleeps right now. BUT I do have so much more to say, so HOPEFULLY there will be more blogs soon. I want to record all the weird, gross, wonderful things we experience as new parents mostly so this kiddo can come back and read this stuff when she’s older (and hopefully not be weirded out by her strange mom). Wish us luck! 😊