Thursday, March 21, 2019

More ramblings from your favorite pregnant biker lady

Commuting today in a downpour hahaha
This week I started to feel more like myself energy wise on the bike, THANK GOD! Every commute I've been pedaling slower and slower, and it has felt like a struggle to just make it to school, until this week, when suddenly I felt GOOD again! Not fast or fit or like I'm going to enter a race or something, just freaking good! I even went for a 4 mile trail run on Tuesday after riding home! You can't imagine how happy having energy makes me :)

At this point, 17 weeks along, with what my pregnancy app tells me is a pomegranate in my belly (although it also says the baby is 6'' long and I've never seen a pomm with a 6 '' diameter!) I just feel like I overate and have stopped trying to suck it in. My regular clothes still fit, but I can't button all my pants, so I often go about the day unbuttoned, haha.

One thing I've been thinking about this week is that I haven't really seen much by the way of publication about pregnant athletes, particularly cyclists, and I find this interesting. I know only a small percentage of an already small portion of the overall population can relate to this experience, so I'm not upset or saying anyone is being sexist or anything. But I think it would prob be good if this was in the mainstream, that way women like me could hear someone else's experience and maybe feel normal, like everything will be ok... you know, those things. It's rough going from being fit and fast to gaining weight (I know it's good, but for someone who has been trained to think unreasonably skinny is the only option to be fast it's stressful to be gaining weight, and you know you need to for the baby, but it's STILL STRESSFUL!) and feeling low energy/slow. If someone else had written a story about this in Velonews, or Outdoor, or something I could feel like, ok good, it's not just me :)

To all the women I know who have had babies and returned to cycling THANK YOU for sharing with me all your advice, stories and insights! It's insane how helpful hearing someone else's experience is.
From the run on Tues, tummy sticking out more each day. 

And on the note of weight gain, I feel like I'm walking a thin line now wearing my old XS jerseys... they are starting to get QUITE snug and I fear one day soon I will no longer be able to zip myself in! Looking for hand me down medium and large jerseys effective now-ish hahaha.

And finally, I am signed up to do a 60ish mile ride with 6,000+ft ascent this Sunday (one of those pseudo celebrity appearances haha) and I am again, pretty nervous about my ability to keep up and complete the whole thing. I know I have the option to bail at any point, but the uncertainty feels like back in the day when I would go on long rides with the UC Davis Triathalon team in college unsure if I could keep up or make it the whole way. It's kinda cool to have this feeling again, although I honestly would like the 2018 Larissa back just for the day TBH.

That's all for now, time to get my 9 hours of sleep that I know I will never get again once this baby joins us :)

Monday, March 18, 2019

Pregnancy thoughts

Ok, I know I JUST posted about being preggo yesterday, but I have been keeping so many thoughts to myself for so long, and I just kinda need to get them out there. So here goes :)

Remember that time I rode from SF to LA?
Feels like a lifetime ago :(
I know this is insane, but I can't help feeling like I've been letting 'people' down by not riding my bike 1,000 miles with 40,000ft ascent a week for the last three months. People still come up to me, or message me and say:
"Your rides are so inspiring!" 
and stuff like that, and I know what they mean but I can't help thinking in my head
'not anymore' 
as if part of me is dead.
I guess because I used to define myself by those epic rides and adventures, and now my sense of self has totally shifted, leaving me a little less confident and lost feeling sometimes. You can't identify as the insane girl who rides longer and harder every weekend if you only ride 12 miles to work each day 4 days a week. I know in my head I still have value as a human if I don't do insane things that get people's attention, but wow, what a dramatic/sudden shift.

When you ride 135 miles you get to eat all the ice cream,
not when you are preggo though! hahahaa

Just a small observation maybe only I struggle with... but it's crazy hard to go from being a super athletic person who can pretty much eat whatever they want to having kinda restricted physical activity and suddenly I am hungry all the time but the dr says I should only be gaining about a pound a week.
Apparently this 'eating for two' thing is a myth (although I wanted to punch the dr for ruining all my pregnancy hopes and dreams when she said this) and now I feel crazy guilt when I eat chocolate or candy because I'm fueling a human, but then I CRAVE sour gummies and I can't resist them and aAAAAHRRHRRRCGH :) Haha, anyway, I know I can still workout, ride bikes etc... but I'm trying to listen to my body more, sleep a lot, and dial back my spaz, and that means I can only eat about 2,000 calories a day. Considering I used to eat 3,000-3,500 that basically means I'm on a diet! Hahahahahahaha on life, you are so strange.

Remember that time I was on the Bonk Breaker Tranquilo ride and I was telling everyone within earshot that I was so' fat' that I finally had boobs? Well I should have realized that was because I was growing a baby, but I just thought I had gained weight since La Ruta, ahaha. Oh man, if I had only known all winter why my body was acting so strange!
Won't be doing this on May 5th :(

Ok, last thought for the day: FOMO. I have to ACTIVELY remind myself all day that it it perfectly ok to miss BWR and Leadville this year. That it will be so worth it on Aug 28 to hold my kiddo and all that good stuff because geeze is it hard to think about how May 5th I will loose that crown, and become just a past winner, there will be all kinds of waffles eaten and celebrations of badassery and I will be sitting around eating ice cream not riding a bike. It's ok. There was going to be a day eventually when I couldn't continue, but in all honesty I'm sad to be missing out. Maybe I should keep this to myself, because it reveals a deep character flaw, or unreasonably inflated ego, but I'm being honest here, give me some slack :)

Ok, enough real talk for now. Time to go work on the bathroom, because heavens knows we really need to finish working on our house now!!!

Sunday, March 17, 2019

Oh Baby, the 2019 season is going to be great!

my 2019 plans include just one thing! 
Growing a freaking human!!!!! 

I'm crazy excited to say that while my body was recovering from literally metabolizing itself back in November, somehow it thought 'Now's the time to create new life!' And so it was a complete shock to both Brendan and I when I found out in late January that we will become parents sometime around Aug 28 this year.

It's no secret that this is something we have wanted for a while, but yes, there is a part of me that thinks... winning BWR and Leadville 3 times in a row would have been so freaking rad... BUT it also feels right to put the ego aside, finally, and focus on something a bit different. That's not to say I wont ever toe the line in a bike race again, but at least for 2019 I am sticking with my 12 mile bike commute and a few fun 'celebrity appearances' hahaha until the belly is too big to fit over a top tube.

And now for a short story and some rando thoughts from preggo Lars (warning: this may turn into a pregnant biker blog haha)

Only very short rides over Christmas break.
Remember back in December when 6 weeks had passed since I got back from Costa Rica? I was pretty frustrated that I wasn't feeling normal, wasn't feeling good on the bike, was still tired and unmotivated. I took a few extra weeks to recover, thinking the Rhabdo had just been really really bad, and started commuting to work twice a week. Over Christmas break I rode some and rested some, and spent a lot of time comparing Dec 2018 to Dec 2017 in which I had ridden 500 miles a week and completed the trek from SF to LA by bike alone in 2 days for a New Years celebration. I think I was fighting off depression because I didn't really know what was wrong with me, and everyone on social media was deep into their insane long base training rides while I could barely eek out 35 miles at a time. I tried to celebrate the ability to just be on a bike, but it's a pretty big distance to fall in a year, and it was honestly hard to deal with mentally.

In early January Bonk Breaker asked me to come do a fun 80ish mile ride they had put together called Tranquilo, and despite having not ridden more than 45 miles at a time since November I agreed, figuring I could just jump in the follow car worst case scenario. The Tranquilo was hard, again mentally as much as physically. When we turned to go up Sycamore Canyon and half the group rode away in front of me it was really hard on my ego, and I just couldn't push hard enough on the pedals to keep up. I survived, but only because I resigned to ride my own pace for the last 15ish miles, and slogged along at a pathetic clip up dirt Mulholland. I did still bask in the sunshine and ability to be outdoors in nature, pushing pedals, but my competitive side ached.
No idea I was about 8 weeks into making a baby at this point. 

A week or so later I was mountain biking with Menso the great and the possibility of pregnancy came up. Being the logical intelligent being he is, Menso suggested I just take a test to know one way or the other, that way a major mountain bike crash + ER visit wouldn't be how I found out if I HAD been pregnant.

So that's how we discovered, right after my birthday, almost 10 weeks into growing a human, that all that not feeling great had a very great reason. The best possible reason for why I felt a little crappy in Dec, and why I wasn't bonkers to ride 100 miles every day over Christmas break.

More rando thoughts to come, because now that we are 'out' about this, there is so much on my mind about riding with a small human inside you, and life in general. But for now, that's my plan, no racing, no defending titles, no living in a van all summer chasing finish lines. Just one due date to chase, and maybe the biggest accomplishment of my life ahead.