Thursday, September 7, 2017

Real-ness

If you read this blog at all last year you know that there were some hard times in the Connors corner of the world. I am one to wear my heart on my sleeve and struggle to hide the illness, injury, sadness completely so despite smiling a lot, I hope it doesn't appear that I am unrealistically happy. It came to my attention recently (in the context of another athlete) that always seeming happy can look fake or robotic. And while I agree with the sentiment I think it's interesting this pressure we place on ourselves to project just the brightest, shiniest portions of our lives for social media consumption. And of course this goes both ways, as when we consume we are only seeing the brightest, shiniest parts of other's lives.
From that one time I got to race in Europe... Seems like a lifetime ago now. 
So, along those lines, I am having a day of struggles. I see all the posts about World Champs in Australia, all the smiling beach photos and gnarly course pre-view videos and I'm going to admit, I'm struggling with jealousy/regret/sorrow that I am not there. This season has been especially full of ups and downs but I did a pretty good job of isolating myself from the World Cup scene so that I wouldn't have to feel these feelings, but maybe hiding from it didn't really solve the problem, because here we are, September and I'm feeling the feelings I tried to avoid all year.
It's been especially hard going to work every day, knowing that I can't take days off to travel to races I want to do, which could numb my pain for missing Worlds.
But, in the last 30 years of my life I've learned that sometimes just accepting the sad feelings, letting them wash through you and then moving on is the best answer. So while I like the idea that Larissa is happy all the time, and always smiling, I'm taking a week to feel the feelings, be grateful for the good things and people in my life, and be human.
That is all.

3 comments:

  1. Your blog is one of the few I look forward to reading because it doesn't have any BS. You speak what you think, and that is not a bad thing. It's reality. You are a amazing athlete and should be very proud of achievements. But that is not who you are, that's what you do. You can't be everything to everybody. It is juggling act. You make yourself happy first, then your family, your students, your friends, & your sponsors.( the last 3 may not be in that order} You and your passion for this sport have brought more women into this sport than you can possibly imagine. Enjoy the rest of your season Larissa.

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  2. Mountain biking resembles with the journey of life ,same ups and downs and focus takes a person to accomplishment and out of focus creates problem.

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