Thursday, December 3, 2015

Realness Part 1

This week has left me wondering how on earth I taught full time and raced last year. That and a combination of frustration with a few things including the effects of getting older (I was sore for TWO days after our 5ish hours of deck demo on Sunday) and wanting to do more than there is time in a day for, had me crying in bed on Tuesday night after my workout. My back hurt, I was on my bike before the sun was up and again till after the sun set and was looking ahead to three more days of the same, and I may be a bit of a drama queen.

But let's keep it real here. I am not happy, smiley, pumped on life 100% of the time. The dishes pile up, the laundry (how is there always so much laundry?!?) always needs to be done, I neglect to walk the dog more than I'd like to admit, and our floors seem to be dirty within a day of sweeping. On top of that there is quite a bit of work to be done in creating and maintaining relationships with sponsors, core workouts, bike maintenance etc. Sometimes I long for an hour to read and drink hot chocolate. An hour to sit with my feet up and NOTHING on my to do list, to let my brain and body recover a bit.

BUT as I sat in bed (for the 15 minutes I allowed myself before continuing to get stuff done) wallowing in my sore, tired, overwhelmed state I think my brain started processing some things that I never really have time to figure out when doing 100 things all day.

For starters I know I am super lucky to be so busy. It may be physically painful sometimes, but I'm glad to have the opportunity to teach full time right now, and train, and work on the house... On top of that I'm lucky to live in a place where I CAN ride my bike from sun rise to sun set in a comfortable temperature!

Secondly, I create this mess of a schedule/to do list type of life, so I have the power to back off the pressure to get so much done. No one is coming over for dinner this week, so it's ok to have some dirty dishes in the sink! There is no badge or award for the longest to do list, so it's ok to focus on a few important things and not worry so much about the others.

Also no two years are the same. One of the things that has been stressing me most lately is the memory of doing SO much more yoga last year, going rock climbing, having time to run three days a week, but not understanding how to fit that all in now. It's ok though for things to be different from one year to the next. I'm still motivated, and dedicated to training, my season isn't going to be shot just because my fall looked a little different (let's hope!).

And lastly I need to be better at asking for help/am super lucky to have such a sweet husband who is willing to jump in when I need him to. It makes such a huge difference when Brendan feeds the chickens, swaps tires on my mtb, or unloads the dishwasher, so why not just ask when I'm drowning in chores and still need to do a core workout.
Sunset Weds ride with some of the best :)

Then on Wednesday night I drove over to Laguna for my favorite ride of the week, and somehow all the stress and tiredness and soreness kinda melted away. I rode a fun bike with fun people and had a generally fantastic time riding through cactus and over rocks. None of the undone chores or unanswered emails mattered. And it felt really dang good to smile again, to be overly enthusiastic and freakin' love life and bikes

Maybe we need to wallow for a minute every once and a while. That time, the focus on what was wrong and why, really helped me regain some perspective and shift my mindset. The week is still long, the things I need to do still numerous, but I'm ok with being in the middle of it, not rushing to get to the end.

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